Pacing and Papers

My Own Notes from the Underground: Defying Anxiety, Anger, and Depression 29 Dec 2020 

Today I think I had promised a blog on pacing, the restless walking back and forth, that for me indicates racing mind; faintheartedness, and irritability, this is the state I’m in as I’m  bouncing  from one task to another without actually starting the intended project. So many fears, so many voices inside the head… 

But I remember reading about the Sumerian peoples; and according to Sir C. Leonard Woolley, in his account of their behavior in relation to their religion, they acted in a state of anxiety, fearfulness. And when I think about an account I read about Ancient Grecian Culture, the same thing, that the society of men were living in a state of deep agitation, and this gave rise to such men as Socrates, Aristotle, Plato , philosophers who advocated for Reason as a way to counter the dysfunction, official and common, in their society.  Again, there is no society on earth, that has not not-recorded this distressing phenotypical, marker of human behaviour--this agitation seems to be a mark of man, without the True God. Is this the actual mark of Cain? And God himself, to attract us to Himself, He promises us peace. And in this context of ancient man, we understand, we could get an understanding about how revolutionary that promise in of itself was, Peace?!!!?, and not only peace, if you can fathom it, but a Peace beyond any earthly understanding. 

What religion on earth at that time promised Peace? And why would God make a point to promise Peace? 


Art Project:  I am still working on making the underpainting…didn’t get to that yet. 

Music: The Keith Whitley Song is coming along, I spent last night watching the movie Wonder Woman while I practiced the more difficult parts of the piece to distract my anxiety I was able to compare this Diana to an event that occurred with the Mother of God, when she landed on an island where Zeus and Diana were worshipped, and which became Mount Athos. Thus I feel compelled  to do a review of that 2017 film, and why I simultaneously like and dislike the film. Also I’m feeling somewhat very peaceful about my song American Spirit…I was so stressed when I was recording it…now I feel very peaceful…I don’t know what to say about it, it feels good to perform it now. 

Art Prints: I want to make 6 more thumbnails for my art print for sale project, however, I’m now working on my Christmas Cards, and I dyed some paper in preparation to print on it.  I’m going to do some on just white paper as well, but here is the result. From right to left, I started off with onion skins, then elderberry juice, and paprika, added to the onion skins and then turmeric.  The dye solution got weaker and weaker and you can see that in the different shades of the paper; I was able to revive the dye power by reheating the solution and added a splash of vinegar, it worked for the Turmeric, I will see if it will work with other natural dyes in the future. 



Reading Today: Time and Despondency_Reclaiming the Present in Faith and Life by Nicole Roccas. 

“For many of us despondency is the oldest and most pernicious spiritual struggle of our lives. Looking back on my own experiences, my first and faintest memories of despondency predate those of praying. There is a real possibility that for some, despondency is a more or less congenital condition, shaping our spiritual perceptions almost from birth.  Perhaps that’s why turning away from it can feel like dying—it is a death (albeit a slow and gradual one), a surrendering of perhaps the only way we have ever perceived the world. But this death is also the way of new life. 

[Rocca’s] understanding of despondency  is indebted to Evagrius’s centuries-old reflections, which lend perennial insight into this ‘unnatural slackness of the soul’”  His interest in the topic was not merely intellectual but personal.  He actively endured his own bouts of despondency and, as a spiritual father, shepherded others out of the depths of despair with the desire to help “make the human being capable of loving again, and thereby capable of God.’  Countless beloved theologians of the Orthodox tradition have embroidered upon his insights, among them  St. John Cassian, St. Gregory, St. John Climacus, St. John of Damascus and St. John Kronstadt. Like Evagrius, they saw despondency as a monastic concern, yet their wisdom is relevant to anyone for whom apathy, boredom, restlessness, and distraction have become hurdles to spiritual growth.” *


I just wanted to add here that the Fall of Man could be thought of as the  the start of the Ages of Anxiety in other words, Anxiety is a mark of the Falleness, the Brokeness of Mankind, and thus is not that unusual. What is unusual, is Peace. The point is True Peace or False Peace, which do we choose.  Will think about that more for a note.

Anyway, Thus Ends my Notes for Today. May God Grant You All A Fruitful Day in the Lord.

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