So I think I been doing a lot of thinking about how I interact with people and why. I am a motherless daughter, and a fatherless one as well. I have been treated as an object for all of my life. The funny thing is that the people who are treating you that way, they are being seen too....I see what you are doing, and I've learned that being a non-person in the eyes of others, Well it has become comforting...and the horror of horrors,
But it still creates incredible pain and panic within me. So that I can still have these reactions, prove to me that we are not created to be treated as objects or commodities, as mere symbols in someones ideology. We are creatures with self-determining nature, we are made to the specification of an Archeype, and we ar loved by HIm who created us all to be unique, and somewhat dependent on each other, and definitely dependent on HIm, who will never fail us.
And I have learned that I have had to change my orientation, that is, recognize the need to be validated by others, but transfer that need to be validated to God only. Then I will never fail....and if I do, the Lord will not crucify me, abandon me, or mock me because of my shortcomings, He will heal me as He as promised.
And I don't have to know everything to be loved by Him, I don't have to be the best, (although I definitely strive for perfection and self-mastery); I just have to be me, the way God intended me to be, and that has to be enough or I will be in danger of losing my soul.